Beginning?

So, I'm sitting here thinking to myself what possessed me to blog in the first place? Insanity, maybe. More than likely it's just another meaningless way for me to get everything down on paper so i can view what's on my mind, rather than physically living it.
This is in fact a legitimate coping mechanism for what i so diligently refer to as 'the crazy.'  In retrospect however, this blogging thing could be seen as 'crazy'...i am talking to myself after all. 
Not only am i talking to myself, it would appear that i have contradicted myself at least once in this post already. 
As the minutes tick, and it gets later (or earlier?) in the evening (morning /sigh) i can't help but wonder what all of you out there must be thinking. If you're even reading this to begin with? Are you reading this?


Today was good you guys, better than a lot of days have been lately (despite having to work; work was still difficult). I found that i could connect better, the days are always nicer when i don't feel so out of touch with reality. That of course begs the question, what do i mean by 'out of touch with reality?' I've heard the phrase used by many a number of people in passing. I've used it myself on occasion. Lately however, it has become much for poignant for me. Out of touch, it's like standing on a cliff reaching across to a person on the other side, only to have them be just an inch out of reach. No matter how hard you try to stretch, to reach forward, your fingers never meet theres'; you're alone on a cliff staring at the hollow ravine below. There's nothing between you and the people you love on the other side, yet you cannot reach them, no matter how hard you try.
Sometimes i think if i just take another tiny step forward, let myself stand on the very edge of the cliff maybe, just maybe I'd reach someone - but what if i fall? I'm terrified of falling, there's nothing below me; nothing but darkness.
So i stand a top my metaphoric cliff day-in-day-out arms stretched out in front of me, hoping someone, anyone could possibly reach out far enough to take my hand (maybe pull me across?).
There are days though, beautiful days, where i stand on my cliff (arms extended in front of me) and for a moment or two my fingers brush yours on the other side. For a moment i believe one day, one day you might pull me over to your side.
What is on the other side?
Is it better than this mess we're in?


-ShadowFigment<3