not really a mistake.

Do you ever get the feeling that you've messed up bigtime? Isn't it fun?  But then you question yourself and you find yourself thinking 'maybe messed up isn't the right word? Maybe i just made a mistake.' Mistakes are just the beginning, mess usually follows...
Then you have those days, where you aren't so worried and time seems to stand still. Everything suddenly feels less daunting and it just makes sense....The fun part? is coming back to reality and realising the crap you've gotten yourself into.
I'm a fuck up. That is all.

~ShadowFigment [is probably going to cry or something now] <3

If stones were wishes and castles were dreams. A stone i would give you, I'd whisper a dream.
My voice it would carry soft on the wind, to a place mysterious, where no one has been. This place, it dwells just beyond what you see. To the left of reality, where our wish is a dream. <3

...

I should maybe just cease to exist.
Slip away, buried under confusion.
It'd be better this way.
I couldn't hurt anyone this way...
I'm the worst person.

A shell is all that remains.

I wasn’t even going to post here today, then i got to thinking /DRAMATIC MUSIC
Who the fuck am i? I spend all of my time and energy staying out of anything that would make me look silly. I don’t like to feel vulnerable,I’m far too insecure for that.
I am the sensible one. That one kid who is babysitting everyone else instead of drinking. I’m the kid who volunteers to sit out of games when there are too many players, who won’t try new things or speak her mind in public. I’m that kid, you know the one? That’s me. Hi there.
Dearest readers (?), i put this before you because well, I’m already typing so i may as well not stop now. I hate myself, so i assume everyone else in the whole universe hates me too. They are all looking down on me, they think i’m dumb, they like my friends better. I’ve always been the ‘extra friend’. You know when you’re having a party and you want to invite this group of kids, but there’s that one kid in the group who you only tolerate for their friends? That person is me. I’m just tolerated.
Everyone wants to go out and drink, party and make merry (or whatever it is you kids call it these days). I always feel out-of-place there, i don’t know how to express myself in public. I don’t think it’s even possible to be honest. Nights out, instantly devour any good mood i have (i know, that’s fucked up right?! I’m like…opposite girl!). I go all shy and pathetic.
I’m not the smart friends, or the pretty friend. I’m not brave, or fun, i’m not a winner, or confident. I’m the babysitter, ‘old reliable’….boring.
I suppose some of it can be blamed on my anxieties about getting sick (a lot of it can be blamed on that, not to mention the countless other anxieties i have). But, until i have my head examined and am locked away like i deserve, i’ll have to live with this. A shell of a person, a shadow.
-ShadowFigment <3

Would it be wrong to write a blog post consisting entirely of the word 'fuck'?

Where is my happy ending? Doesn't everyone deserve that moment when they realise that everything has fallen into place?
I think maybe someone forgot to write my happy ending...there's too much uncertainty, too much anxiety in my head. No one can function like this.
I feel nothing.
I am nothing.
I should go.

-ShadowFigment

Some random pointless title /insert wit here

I am the WORST person.
…
Everyone would just be better off without me hurting them. It feels like i am going to just destroy everything. I’ll hit self-destruct and the world might explode. (concieted much?)
I cannot stand another moment of this apathy – it’s actually worse that the crippling fear! Being apathet….hurts everyone else, at least the fear only hurt me.
FUCK.
x_x
-ShadowFigment [hanging by a thread]

Alone in shades of grey

~~<3~~
I tried to paint a world without you, and I painted it grey. 

For black, I fear, was much too dark and white was far beyond my grasp.

I created a world today; the world was grey.

~~</3~~